Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
