note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
