Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
