Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
