the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
