Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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