apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
