Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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