So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
