You don't have asthma, your pregnant
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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