Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
