Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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