i permit you to call me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just had sex bonerless
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
