I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's never too late to be topless.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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