Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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