Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
