i jhust puked up my retainher.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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