So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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