he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
