Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
