I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I forget how to act sober
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
