my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
