All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
