Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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