oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
