dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
