im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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