No, you can still breathe under the balls.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
