6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
