I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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