I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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