Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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