So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
