Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
