If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
