Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
