i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Enjoy the penises
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
