alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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