when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
