Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
