pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
