I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
