I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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