She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
