those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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