U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
