So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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