my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
