i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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