fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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