Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Let's get the cat blown out
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
