he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
