He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
