I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
