Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Please don't give away my fajitas
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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