jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
