you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
