im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Come share oat with me in your robe
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
