my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
