i don't like sucking hair
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
