watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
