Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
