considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Good thing I've started drinking again