I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?