i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
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OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed