I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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