I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.