I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
