i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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