why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I can't put those talents on a resume
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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