road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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