you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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