Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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