i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
