guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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