Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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