I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
