im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am available for nakedness
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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