Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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