Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
