Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
