Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
