the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
